Can you validate my ass?

when the praise I got from men was enough

The internal violence never ceased. No matter how little or much I achieved, the temporary celebration and parade were always rudely halted by the lack of external validation.

There was a time when the praise I got from men was enough, but it has reached the top of wherever it was trying to go because it does not work.

There was something I was missing. Something I was craving. Could I let myself see the truth? Today was the day because I finally got sick enough of me to admit that I value other people’s opinions of me more than my own.

Bitch, and I say this lovingly, the hardest part of leveling up is being honest with yourself. Will it be beneficial to go down the road of when this started? How it made me feel? Why was I that way? Yes, I can spend the next three years seeking answers on why this happened, and I will revisit if I need to. The question that will set you free, my love, is how you can begin to self-validate.

You’re going to have to start checking in with yourself as your closest confidant. Flood yourself with compliments, not only about the way you look but also the things that don’t require calculated efforts, like breathing and walking. For example, “You walk with such grace.” “Look at you effortlessly exhaling.” This sounds so silly, but listen, this is a practice of self-awareness and self-monitoring.

The next thing is to evaluate the people whose opinions you value and see if they deserve to have a script in your life. I’ve mentioned this in my book Stripped if you’re interested in learning more about how to feel comfortable being seen.

This work doesn’t end by reading this article. It doesn’t end when you start complimenting yourself. However, now you can catch yourself when you revert to these debilitating behaviors. Unlearning is exhausting, but just like weight training, the more you do it, the better you’ll start to feel and the easier it gets.